This is one of those times where re-posting a blog isn’t enough to express my heartfelt gratitude to this article (please check this link above) for articulating a subject that has puzzled me for a while.
Friendship with Benefits is the philosophy that we can still be friends with no strings attached – Just Sex. Well, when we need it off course. It seems to be a very suitable arrangement for a lot of people today especially in my generation of young people. Combining these two factors puts Sex as a game, rather than its intended purpose for deep emotional ties in the bonds of Love. This is something that has puzzled me for a long time and has often got me questioning the concept of whether ‘waiting til I’m married‘ is somewhat archaic? At times, I’ve wrestled with this ideology because of my own feelings against my principles, which most of it was established by my deep devotion to my faith. Hell, I’ve even flirted with the idea and a couple of times was offered the chance to – yes, an awfully tempting offer but I resisted.
However, even in my own personal palava and deep thought, I had asked myself, why do people take this option and why is it such a tempting offer? Why does it seem ideal and why is it such a suitable arrangement for many? why has the selfish need for one’s own gratification perverted the original intention for sex by reducing it to a lump of meat?
Well, today when my friend Valiant Sheep posted this article up on facebook, naturally by impulse I decided to read it because it caught my attention. Even more so, I felt somewhat on guard expecting to hear or read something that was rather in favour of the subject so was pretty much ready to combat. I know excessive, but everyone feels a little defensive once in a while especially when its a subject that is as sensitive as ‘Sex’. So, guess what? I was not disappointed. In fact I was pleasantly surprised to find my questions rather answered in such a clear and concise way.
You see, Lauren Lanksford debunks this whole idea by using her experience to express the present reality against the Original intention for Sex, Love, Friendship and ‘rock ‘n’ roll’. (well not quite the rock n roll part but it works right? :p) And sometimes, experience speaks louder than words. My favourite part is how she uses the same science which tells us its okay to basically ‘do what feels good’ to show how it rather works against us when we engage in the practice of sex before marriage, or loose sex or just friendships with the benefit of sexual favours. In fact she argues that:
“…Not only is sex the perfect image of intimacy, passion and desire, it triggers the release of chemicals that train your body to remember what feels good, and how to get it again. Dopamine is a natural drug that gets you high. This is what keeps you going back again. Drugs like methamphetamine access dopamine to achieve the same effect. Your body begins such a bond just with cuddling, kissing, and everything between there and “real” sex. Oxytocin is dopamine’s partner, the emotional binding agent that teaches you to trust and reduces fear.
However, dopamine and oxytocin don’t play fair. They don’t care if it’s just for fun, if it’s “just this one night” or if the person you’re going home with is going to be around next week. They don’t care if it’s make-up sex, breakup sex or all-the-way sex. They don’t care if you just “mess around,” or if you go all the way. They’re going to feed your addiction, commitment or not…”
To be honest this is so true. Have you ever even just hugged a friend and it felt like it triggered off every nerve ending in your body? I have too. For me, because I’m very tactile, touch is so important to me that it communicates not just love but healing to so if abused then its like a drug and it starts to confuse you with a mix of hurt emotions yet the ‘good feelings’ are almost telling you that its okay.
So to conclude, I believe that the concept of FWB is a myth and it perhaps causes more problems than it does solve it. It is a temporary solution to a long-term issue and the need for understanding the true purpose of Sex and marriage needs to be brought to the forefront of our values again, and that will only happen when one goes back to the original source – Jesus.
Thanks for taking the time to read and being on this journey with me! I appreciate all your likes and comments and following!
Lots of Love! As ever, Keeping it real, Peace!
The Elected Lady xx