Today I want to talk about Fathers. I know…too late considering British Father’s days ended on Sunday. To be honest, I didn’t write that day as I had a lot to think about which has led me to write today…
As you can see, this picture is so cute! I just love it! wouldn’t you agree? There’s nothing like watching little kids give big cuddles and kisses to their dads and Dads doting on their little ones (even when grown!). It’s such a beautiful yet fearsome thing to behold.
However, for some, there’s no getting away from the familiar stab of pain of the loss of a father, whether by absence, abuse, or death, or the jealous longing of a father. This is a feeling I know too well and I’m sure the same for others.
Usually, when this time of year comes round I’m fine or I usually even forget that Father’s day exists as my biological father was not around for most of my life so in turn I just pretty much lived without one. In fact, my mum had to play both roles towards me and my sisters. Nevertheless, in saying that, I had a revelation of the Heavenly Father about 6-8 years ago, and so when I did remember, I would make a card for my Heavenly father or would wake up and first tell him “Happy Father’s day!” and it didn’t really hurt so much. But, this year, something changed. It really hurt. I felt so awkward and just felt strangely empty. I couldn’t understand why, and what exactly I was feeling. I felt the disappointment. I felt the betrayal. And it almost felt that the past had wanted to resurrect itself and stand in my face to remind me of everything that I “seemed” to have lost. And what’s more, being at church on Sunday and hearing the sermon about ‘honouring fathers’ just wound me up much more and caused all sorts of emotions to conjure. But, there was one emotion that wasn’t there. And that was Bitterness. There wasn’t any room for it. I let go of her a long time ago when I decided I would forgive my biological father for everything he’d put my family and I through. I also realised that I never had actually received a proper blessing from him which really hurt. Nevertheless, a surprising emotion surfaced and that was Love. I couldn’t understand it. I just couldn’t get my head around it. I soon realised that was what caused me to feel even more pain, because I realised that I loved him. I still love my biological father although I’m terrified.
And in all this I wrestled with the whole concept of honouring my father – giving him an honour that he didn’t deserve…( in my eyes anyway)
It was here where I cried for strength. I knew I still needed to honour him (that’s not to say I need to see him…for that to happen God knows when it will) simply for the fact that he was the vehicle that was used to bring me into the world and that had my life not gone through what it has, I would not be able to share what I share. So what is the message to you all?
As its still Fathers’ season, here are some things to consider:
It is okay to feel pain and sorrow but don’t stay there. It is still okay to Love the ones that hurt you. Pray for them. It’s still important to honour the men who were the vehicles or instruments used to bring us into the world regardless of what they did after. It is also important to salute the Men who rose up to the challenge and have stood by their decision however tough it was to stand by their families. And it is also important to honour the sex of Men as they are all potential fathers who have a responsibility to father others and not necessarily biological. And finally, I honour my father (as painful as it is to do so) openly for allowing Heaven to use him as the vehicle to bring this soul into the world…
keeping it real and Transparent…
The Elected Lady xx