Hi Guys! It’s been a While! I’ve been in France gallivanting in schools and eating good food and also doing Mission – working with locals in the area and doing hard work from a place of stillness and Rest. I will talk about it later … Continue reading Born to Be Fragrant
“Stay: Watch with me for One Hour…”
“Stay up with me One more Night,” I came with the soft whispers of the night.
The Chilling foreboding of my impending doom, awaited me.
Troubled, I’d never known FEAR; Never knew Fright,
Until that fateful eve in my heart when fear was all I could see…
Knowing the thought of Losing YOU to face my Destiny gripped my sorrowful frame,
But knowing it was to SAVE YOU, was worth enduring the Pain and the Shame.
So, could you watch with me One Hour?
But that night the weight was all too real!
The apprehension. The Pain. Mental Torture was all I could feel.
The threat of truly knowing life a part
Where my Father would forsake me for a start,
The darkness of loneliness creeping my skin,
The terror of emptiness Pounding within…
So I asked again: would you watch with me One Hour?
But on return to your sleeping heads,
the weight of slumber covered your eyes.
Crestfallen, the familiar stab of pain and disappointment hit me
But my loving compassionate heart saw your feeble frame, & I knew YOU were MY Prize!
The thought of your falling to Temptation’s Snare, pulled my jealous love for you to pray,
All I wanted was One More Night with you – Please Stay!
Yet, my cry was “Not MY WILL BUT BE DONE THINE!”
So that I could make you truly Official and Legitimately Mine!
So now you’ve found yourself in your Gethsemane.
Your Being & Energy calls out to me:
“Lord, Watch with me One Hour?” and me I say,
“I’ll watch with you an hour, a second and a day,
Even a Lifetime.
Because I will NEVER LEAVE YOU nor FORSAKE You.
And finally, “YOU ARE MINE.“
Let me know what you think peoples!
As ever Keeping it real, Peace! HAPPY EASTER!!
The Elected Lady xx
Pressure: LET OUT SOME STEAM!!
Life is a bit like a Pressure cooker sometimes. For me, the past three weeks or the past month have been an intense ride and its felt like I’ve been put in a pressure cooker that I can’t come out of but gotta stay in … Continue reading Pressure: LET OUT SOME STEAM!!
Celebration is connected to your fruitfulness…
So, I was talking with my mum today about the weekend events that took place recently and discussed how she received a prophetic word that she’d been pondering on. And this had to do with Celebration. She had seen how God had placed such an … Continue reading Celebration is connected to your fruitfulness…
Deep Cries Out
Such a fun song to jump up and down, move around, and shake it all about! Enjoy!! Did this song on Friday night during the first night of the Tour and it was epic! so much fun! The Elected Lady xx
Emancipate yourself from Mental Slavery ~ Bob Marley
Never have these words rung so true like today!! After experiencing such a wonderful weekend touring with the Tabernacle Band with the Apex or New Beginning kicking off last night, I think it’s safe to say that hearts and minds were transformed. There is a growing and burning desire to see a shift in conscience minds and destructive thought processes destroyed.
I had such a wonderful time last night in total freedom and child-like heart abandoned to glorious worship and Music with such an amazing band!!! Am so proud to be a part of the Tabernacle movement and to be a part of the Band. We are definitely going places as we follow the Best Leader, we are pioneering a break-out and exit of Mental and Spiritual Slavery like never before!
Thanks Bob for making the statement, and Thanks Jesus for making that a reality!
As ever keeping it real!
The Elected Lady xx
Commissioned to Mission
So its becoming the same generic Where I start momentum to write yet slip into a season of writer’s block (which by the way feels like I’m still currently in) and not write anything for a long while. When oh when will I ever fully discipline myself to write more regularly? All I know is that I guess I’m someone who tends to write under inspiration and when I do it’s usually more poetic and in such circumstances, you cannot rush inspiration and you cannot rush creativity.
But, its not that time for the self-admonishing but rather a time to say, thank you to all those who have been reading, and commenting and liking my posts as its really encouraging and it gives me great pleasure knowing what you’re thinking and knowing how in some way my posts help. It is a blessing to have you guys listen to what I have to say…
This week, a young person asked me during Choir practice why I love Mission or going on Missions so much? I realise life’s journey itself is a mission. It’s about purpose. It’s what we’ve been created for. It’s that purpose that drives people to either write, sing, be creative, be academic, and come out with books like “The Purpose Driven Life” (Rick Warren) and articles like “The Spirit Driven Life”. (Just a quick side-note here: we are to be Spirit Led not Purpose Driven…being driven puts enormous pressure on one’s self but we ought to have purpose and be led by our Spirit for direction to fulfill that purpose.)
Purpose is Mission. You’ve been sent here for a task, a purpose, a mission. Whichever way we put it, we were born to do something or to be someone who we are and who we’ve been created to be. So for me, I love Mission. I love purpose. I love the idea and the reality of knowing I am here for something. I am here to contribute and display the beauty and the character of the One who created me and share my experiences and life.
As a person, I am very expressive emotionally and physically, which others may sometimes perceive as a weakness but its rather a strength. It takes strength to admit when your weak. It takes strength to explore areas of emotion that usually one fears because of the consequences of experiencing such emotions. It’s all a part of Becoming who we are and Becoming who we’ve been created to be.
Why do I do mission? I do mission because Mission is a way of life. And to narrow it’s context, what is my mission? My Mission is to do the Will of Him that sent me and to Finish it. That’s my mission. So whichever vehicle or form that takes to complete and fulfill my mission I will take it.
It’s why I can’t be put in a box. It’s why I have to be versatile. Fluid. Spirit-Led. Why do I do Mission? It’s because we’ve been Commissioned to Mission. I have a role and have a hand in the Great Commission of Life to Share the good news about the One who loved and Loves me and paid that Price for me, and I want others to encounter that Love I’ve experienced. That LOVE that I’m so passionate about. Yes. That LOVE. IT’S WHO HE IS.
So Where am I going? I don’t know but as I’ve always said from the beginning, this Life is a Marathon, not a Sprint and its a journey so my ultimate goal and journey is back to the One I love. The One I adore. The one who Hears. The One who Sees. That’s where I’m going and I’m taking others with me, as I enjoy the roller-coaster ride. As I let go of the reins and let Him Reign. Be Obedient. That’s my cry. So it’s what I’m doing. I am going to France and Germany on Mission this year working with young people because I love it. And with people in general. I love to travel. I wanted to be in Lebanon this year, but my Spiritual Satnav didn’t direct me there this year due to many different factors and I needed to remain here in the UK.
It turned out that it was very worthwhile that I didn’t go, although I miss Lebanon terribly and crazily. One of my young people died brutally last week. Was hit by a train. When I heard it, it felt like a punch to the stomach. I thought, “If this is what it feels like to me and he’s not even my blood or direct child, I’d hate to think and wonder what his mother must be going through!”
This kid, Charlie, was 16. He had purpose. He wanted to be a Civil engineer. It hit me hard. I realised that I needed to be there for the young people who were affected. And I realised that this was my newest Mission. This is my mission for the time being until the Lord says Switch. For those of you who’ve been following my facebook posts and Twitter posts, you’ll find that we’ve been doing anything we can in remembrance of this wonderful guy. Through being there and connecting with these young people, they have been open to receiving love and having encounters of their own and those who don’t want to know are also okay. It’s not my place to force them. But, It’s mine to Love them. However, I’ve had to work as a wounded soldier helping his other wounded comrades.
I feel I’ve taken bullets since this season called February began, where one mission ended and it felt like I lost a job and my heart to be frank, and then side-tracked mission which put me in danger, but the Lord rescued me miraculously. Yes. sound familiar?
Sounds like a Soldier. Sounds like an Ambassador. Sounds like each and every single one of us who are facing challenges and facing circumstances with a choice without no choice. Yes. Sounds like Mission. Sounds like life.
So Why do Mission? Again: We’ve been Commissioned to Mission.
Keeping it real as ever,
The Elected Lady xx
Laying down your Isaac…
I prithee please forgive but I must warn you now. This isn’t one of those “short expression” moments that I’ve recently adjusted to so if you don’t have the time to listen then I must advise you to overlook now or find the time when you’re ready to read/listen because today, I’ve a lot to bleed today and pour out in this journey called LIFE. (Yes I know I haven’t been on this Earth that long but my goodness! I’ve seen enough to let one’s skin crawl, and had enough adventures to fill a library…well maybe not that exaggerated but at least you get the point!)
‘Ever feel like you’ve come across moments in your life where you have been challenged to give up the things that mean most to you and to your heart? Or have you ever felt moments where you were challenged to relent and give up your hearts’ desires in order to possess something greater, knowing that it would kill or hurt you in the process? Well, to me right now that’s where I am and it feels like a knife circumcision to the heart. Let me explain…
On Thursday Night I had finished Choir Practice at 9pm and headed to Mojos (youth/young people’s club at New River Church). I walked in the bitter cold night and crossed the clear road whilst observing the green-cross code “Stop! Look and Listen!“, and marched towards the bus stop in an attempt to keep myself warm then waited for bus W8 to arrive. En route to Lea Valley Leisure Centre, I stopped in Edmonton Green.
As I arrived at New River, I heard the sound of music coming from the venue (as with any youth group) and I perceived that they must be worshipping. So I entered into the building and after finding a suitable place to put my bags and coat, I positioned myself to enter into worship. Enter in, My FOOT!
Initially, when I started to worship (i.e. singing, praying, praising, telling-God-how-good-he-is) it was all good and I had felt a wave of intense love wash over me especially as we sung Hillsong’s “The Stand”. Suddenly, the familiar flicker of fear that indicates when “something-aint-right” crept on my vulnerable heart. I couldn’t understand why. I puzzled and thought, and thought, and puzzled; then I tried to figure out as usual what the reasons were when BANG! Complete Disconnection. The crawling sensation of anxiety gripped me in a moment and I began to fight it and struggled to regain that emotional and spiritual connection. That moment of emotional distraction left me feeling somewhat odd.
So I paced around the space in the room and eventually settled for sitting on the floor. This time I felt tired and simply entered the “can’t-be-bovvered” attitude whilst trying still to connect vainly. Didn’t work to be honest. It was in that instance when my friend sat with me when I realised that I had needed to be open and honest about what I was experiencing. After a bit of small talk, I told her about what happened and tbh I was genuinely seeking answers at this point. I just wanted to be free from this sickly feeling and something she said struck a chord with me.
She paused then expressed how when she felt that way sometimes, there was usually an underlying blockage that needed dealing with and she advised me as anyone would- “ASK GOD!” I did. I had. I had asked already but wasn’t getting or hearing anything or response which fueled the anxiety that much more. But this time I decided to wait and ask again. (When you’ve asked once and life throws you curve balls as NO ANSWERS, ASK AGAIN!)
This time, because I was actually READY TO RECEIVE an answer, it came very quickly. A scene in an episode of Friends where Rachel says goodbye to Ross came quickly into view. This scene for me had been so intense that it hit a part of me that I never thought would be impacted in such a significant way. I realised the scene confronted my emotions about a person I really really like and my feelings for this person had dominated my thought life for a long time that it was undermining even my relationship with my Maker. And it didn’t only undermine my relationship, but it started to dominate my songs, prayers and my life to a very small degree (but a degree nonetheless).
I know! it sounds silly and stupid. Ah well, what am I like?! It just seems that when I fall for someone I fall hard. like, really hard. Some of you understand. It was at this point that I knew what needed to be done and it was as if I heard the words clear “Lay down you Isaac“. (Look, for the theologians among you, I don’t pretend to know how theologically correct it is but all I know is this is what He said and I obeyed. Simple. We can argue later…)
But for the others who don;t understand the context this command refers to, it is the story of Abraham and Isaac and you can read it in Genesis chapter 22 (don’t worry I didn’t have to kill anyone but I understood the metaphorical context). In retreat, I knew that I had to let go and give it over to God, and so let go, I did. In obedience and in tears. And this time, there was a grace and an ease to do it. The song “Cry me a River” – the Justin Timberlake version, not Buble (though I love him so) springs to mind. It was silent, but the sodium chloride liquid coursed through my body and released streams down my face and into my palms. Strangely, it felt like a huge weight had lifted at the same time but it hurt. It hurt a lot. And I don’t pretend to feel great about it. I’m fine and I’m okay, but yea, it hurt.
You know, sometimes it feels so hard to let go. However, there is always hope. You see, when God or life requires you to give up your best, He often has in mind an even greater purpose and blessing in store for you. So count it all joy. As Maria from the sound of music said it best, “When God closes a door, somehow he opens a window…”
pffhtt! IT BEST BE A BIG WINDOW that’s all am Saying!!! coz for me to climb through that? Lawd have mercy!!
So, what have I learned today?
1- Well the keys to my Heart are in Big Daddy’s hands and when the time is right, they shall be released and it will be full of matured Joy. And Secondly, there is always a Ram climbing as I am, to be that substitute sacrifice. I don’t know…These are just my thoughts today. Making any sense? feel free to express but in the meantime let me leave you with a couple of songs!
The sayings of a transparent heart…God this is difficult!
As ever keeping it real, Peace!
The Elected Lady ❤ xx
Don’t know what to call it…Unrequited Love Perhaps…a Monologue??
Hey this is a Poem. I needed to find a way to express best what I’ve been probably feeling for a very long time. Sometimes, its very difficult to always express in continuous prose (full sentences…talking….the whole palaver) what you are feeling that it spills into poetic speech and lyrical flow. I was looking for inspiration meanwhile I didn’t realise my inspiration is my wonderland where I reside in my daydreams at the moment…
So Hope you enjoy….
The Storm is Raging,
My Cross still paging,
My Heart keeps aching,
Burning and Staking…
But you are consistent.
You are my baby…
My heart’s got me going crazy,
And this Love’s got me racing…
Can’t see; Can’t eat; Can’t sleep!
What the hell am I doing here?
Can’t move. Can’t breathe…
Why can’t I see clear?
Break Out, Break Free
in the midst of the storm.
My soul’s gone
cold– real low,
Can’t sort out pain from the ache
of an unrequited love,
& the love of another seems so far-fetched to
I’ve closed to real love
and the addictive poison of loving the love
that you dream loves you back,
That clouds your thoughts; your fears;
Your pains; your vision and it confuses the logic of a
Undisciplined in death,
One favours the journey of the roller-coaster motion
of a very alive beat of a heart~
A Heart unrequited by LOVE…
The Love songs, the sick feelings,
The Longings, The wakings,
when you hear that little voice…
“Let me Love you Instead!”
You respond. you answer.
You fight the withdrawals
of counterfeit temporal fixes of unrequited love.
You open to receive this love, but its hard.
You can’t see; You can’t hear; You can’t feel.
You feel nothing.
So you simply believe….meeting more dissatisfaction ~ A never-ending trap.
A colossal of pain, thoughts, physical drama, physical trauma,
Spirals into an endless hole…
Fight the hole! Fight the emotional addiction! Entertain Logic!
Entertain Soul! Entertain Spirit! Music! Feel! Feel!
Enter into Romance’s Sphere!
But Real Love took me
deeper. Darker. Harder.
“Let me Love you!”
The little Voice cries.
“No! You hurt me! I Love you but you hurt me!”
My voice replies.
Indignant at the realities of my warped views of Love,
The Voice serenades and comforts me. like a blanket
it encircles my being. Yes.
My being within.
Hear my call! Hear my wait!
Then I realise the Voice, the Real Love
took me deeper to hide me. Protect me. Till the appointed Time.
Ahh Yes! Time.
An interesting logic.
An abstract logic.
A logic that transcends Kairos and Kosmos Time.
Oh that you would quickly arrive with a rush!
Yet my heart fears the unknown
and ponders all the negative results and yields to the waiting…
…Hoping to buy time to prepare and that what I’m waiting for would be also prepared…willing…
But Time doesn’t always prepare.
Effort. Work. Hard Work prepares.
Passion. Focus and a willingness to pursue prepares.
I go get it, but I want it given.
I’m an Oxymoron waiting to happen.
Someone please save me from the complicated musings
of my Mind and heart…
…From this unrequited LOVE.
Lead me to real Joy!
Pure Love Everlasting…
The unceasing Love not based on works
but purely on the heart that appreciates
the flaws of Men
and loves past the pain and for them its alright…
The Love, that judges intentions and the capacity to Love rather than the actions of
Oh Yes! I’m insane. Insanely NORMAL.
Fluttered with words that are limited by
the Explosion of Emotion that has not formally aligned
to trigger settlement, where words express exact Emotional Feeling.
No. I’m tongue-tied. Speaking but not speaking.
My Heart Screams and no one’s hearing.
I’m taken by distraction and the overwhelming silence
and inactivity has left me somewhat speechless.
Lifeless. Monotonous in action
away from the simmering eruption, which awaits
like a ticking time Bomb…
So Many suggestions; so much advice!
who do I turn to? Where do I thrive?
Who do I lean on when the director is Silent?
My heart bleeds
Longing for that Passionate Unrequited Love that never seems to end…
Not temporal geniuses of a momentary, yearly infatuation
where the Choice of Love is a DECISION with PAIN
Rather than the EASE of life’s flaws-n-all where you’re taken…
Oh To hear the words
“Bone of my bone,
Flesh of my flesh…”
I long to return to the Beginning.
Where I once was…
…with my Love before I was yet born…
Till then..? My heart’s on my sleeve while I wait…