Tag: God

Growing Pains…Growing Frustrations

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Maya Angelou ~ “There’s no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.”

Ernest Hemingway ~ “There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

Before I start, I must say thank you to my friend the Valiant Sheep because a phrase he said to me this evening has helped me write tonight. So here goes…!

Maya Angelou is one of my favourite book writers and has been able to capture my heart many a times in her books and he writings. And like her, there are many other writers, like Malorie Blackman, Alan Gibbons and Jane Austen, and Jesus… I find most inspirational, especially those who have trudged through life, pain and glory to experience in every sense of the word “LIFE”, and have lived to tell the tale in dancing letters on the pages of books that we read. And Maya Angelou summed it up best in her quote that “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you…” For Real! These are true words and right now I’m experiencing that. And sometimes its felt like there’s nothing to write so as Ernest Hemingway said it best, I’m gonna bleed…

So today, I know it’s been a while since my last post and there have been a million and one things buzzing through my brain and my head that every-time I’ve come to write, I’ve had writers block and the blank page that sat before me became my intimidating mountain suddenly – Huh, how can it happen to a talkative like me? 😉 well, in addition to other things it has been a growing frustration as there have been so many ideas and so many things I’d love to do and write and the endless possibilities of doing many things have been endless but between me and my dream just appears to be this wall and road block. It’s frustrating.

I’m growing, yes. Like many of us are. Yet I feel stagnant like still life. Recently, I completed a course and since then it’s been a “now what?” situation. I also completed a bible reading marathon with my young people successfully in less than 72 hours (which was awesome and beautiful by the way! So many people came to help out and for that I am eternally grateful! There are amazing testimonials surrounding it… maybe that will be another post) and after that it was  a “now what?” situation.

I went to many other events that were amazing and was set on fire in my heart with a passion for life and people and souls and to keep going and then I met another “Now what?” situation. By the end of all this, though I had been filled and was left to a degree, satisfied, it was only temporary as I met a huge challenge. My health – again! And also, I tried and have been trying to figure out where I was headed next. Money was and probably still is an issue and although I’m not worried and the Lord has amazingly provided for me week to week, I’ve been fighting feelings of being stuck, trapped, or just waltzing along feeling lazy and then condemned, then fighting back, then keeping positive and fighting to remain focused and “fighting the good fight of faith” then, struggling with physical pain and false accusations… the list goes on and on etc., it’s brought me to my knees in prayer to question what is it? And what do I need to do to just break out on the next level or chapter of my life? Because I’m neither in the last season and not properly landed in the new…

 

Which way to go God?

Even with writing or music or with the many other talents I have, what the heaven does Heaven want me to do with all the talents at this time? And what does he want me to use? And why do I feel so average? Why so distant? And yet You (God) talk to me every day?!  Yup. This is just a glimpse of the thousand and one questions buffeting my thoughts but I fight them by pressing and forging ahead and taking each day as it comes, just believing and working hard. But guess what? Aside from the blood, sweat and tears, I’m exhausted. I’m tired. Yes, I sound like a moaner but I know that I’m strong and my Maker is my strength , but I got to let this out and when the battle is constant, and it feels like you’re not getting anywhere, you start to quiver or shake (I’m not shaking I’m just tired…just to clarify)

Then I feel the word, “Wait”. Well, what does that mean for me in this instance? Then the imagery of a waiter in a restaurant comes to me. I understand. While I’m waiting for answers and breakthroughs, I should serve even if it’s giving me peanuts. And whilst I’m serving, “Wait” on the Lord and serve others. But right now, everything has been at a bit of a standstill because I’ve been recovering from a bout of health challenges…

Ah well, the Lord is my strength! As you know by now, I keeps it real!

What else happened today? Oh yes! Also, the Lord kept bringing by friend’s article to me today so I decided to re-ready his post again today and two phrases this time jumped off the page at me (not literally but you get what I mean and every time I read this article I always find something new…it’s good to re-read stuff) which obviously I’d seen before but not like the way the Lord kept ministering (showing and using it to speak) to me on them today… the phrases “Fit for Him” (which he highlighted btw) and “at last” (highlighted also)… (you should check it out ‘cause the article is amazing! I recommend it: http://wwwvaliantsheep.com/2012/10/she-will-come.html )

waiting…serving…waiting…serving…

“Fit for him…This at last is bone of my bones
        and flesh of my flesh;” ~Gen 2:18-24

What hit me about the phrases was the sense of satisfaction that came with them that I hadn’t read or felt before when reading this particular verse. Then in addition to this, it felt really strange because today, all he’s been doing other than that verse and the article is he’s been bringing old skool love songs and memories and thoughts to me that I haven’t even thought or heard of for a very long time. I was laughing, crying, and singing along loudly (yes I is proud!) and even just at one point, just quiet and in daydream land, aside from sleeping and pain management (thank God for morphine tablets…hate them but they working…)! I really recommend you read the article so you understand what I’m talking about…and there are others! (Oh yes my dear friend, shout out to the Valiant Sheep!)

Here’s a like to one of the songs that have been in my head all day…

Look…here’s the deal. There’s been this building and growing frustration for a manifestation of something that writing, or working doesn’t seem to be hitting the mark and it just seems like a block…so I decided to just rest in Him (especially during these last two weeks of palaver…) – The Lord that is- just thinking about him, praying, reading (well not much of that but more listening) and just letting him love me. Obviously. But the more I rest, the more this growing frustration keeps kicking… a just-want-to-break-out-and-breakthrough kinda thing? Like, you know something’s coming but you don’t know how to position yourself or what you need to do exactly to connect or access what it is and you feel it’s something big and every time it’s like…Gosh why am I still here??

And as I write, I’m reminded of what the Lord said to me last week using a famous quote from one writer who wrote in James 1:2-4 “count it all Joy…whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance and patience. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…” Then I understood, and this time this word has been rather comforting to me rather than a rebuke or a telling off for those who don’t understand what rebuke means. So therefore, whilst I wait, I being transformed from the Caterpillar I once was, to the cocoon I’m now in where the growing pains and growing frustrations of life will lead me to the point, where like an eagle in a chicken’s pen I break out and fly like the butterfly I was born and supposed to be. Till then, I will wait and when the time to tell my story arrives, it will be told in all its fullness, purity lacking nothing so that he that has an ear can hear what my Spirit is saying…

Thanks for watching me bleed…now to mop up the mess! Now, where is that mop? Oh and where to start…? Cinderella…

As ever, Keeping it Real,

Peace, The Elected Lady xx

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Sparkle!

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shine like stars in the darkness...

Forgive me. I ask that you my faithful readers would indulge me another day whilst I’m in this state of verbal diahorrea this week!

The rain fell like spears, yet in stark contrast I remained dry under the shield of my huge black brolly which resembles that of a witch’s hat. I had just been at church minding the youth whilst facilitating the weekly choir/band practice at the same time. Oh yes, the sacrifice that goes with multi-tasking is painstakingly rewarding…mind my dry attempt at sarcasm.

Anyway, tonight I just want to rant a little so there is no method to this particular madness this wee hours of the morning…

I am provoked. Intensely provoked. Severely. Most ardently weeping with provocation yet frustratingly disarmed. Now ask me why. Why? okay I’ll tell you. here goes:

So, I’m in my element where I literally feel this surge of intense electricity in midst of worshipping my maker with the most amazing people, and as I play intuitively on the keys (piano), I feel this power ricochet down my spine in the most hypnotic yet soothing and comforting way. This freedom oozed to the place where my vocal chords rest -er hem -my throat or for the scientific inclined, the oesophagus. And, like times before where I’ve found myself really relaxed, I begin to sing keys and notes that I don’t usually expect to sing. Like a miracle honey has crawled down my throat to open freshly to sound.

However, the limiting sensations of the “don’t-hurt-your-throat” and “be careful-not-to-lose-your-voice”, “don’t overdo it” niggle from the back of my subconscious mind migrating into my conscious brain. Even more, the pressurising thoughts of, “now you’ve got your voice back, save it for the n:flame celebration on Saturday!” echo through the croaks of an otherwise smooth and leathery voice. Nevertheless, I closed my eyes and pressed ahead. Hey, at the end of the day, as H.O.D  you kinda  have to get it together! But this wasn’t why I was and am provoked.

The sounds vibrated through my being that it was like ecstasy- like being hit with a love drug! It just increased my love for music. I just totally love music! I really do! I am most myself when I’m either playing the keys or singing or around music, art or when surrounded by creativity because it moves me in ways that the human intellect cannot possible express but only experience.  I love the whole performing thing. I love the glitz and the glamour though I find it most superficial half the time. And guess what? I’m not afraid t admit it. I do hate one thing thing though…or a couple of things i.e the politics and the injustice of the music business as a whole. But this does not dissuade me from the fact that I love music.

I just love the language of music. Now that’s my love language.  You can be a part of any other culture and speak a different tongue but the language of music is one tongue. Gosh, I love music!

Any how, back from cloud nine! So, I’m high on air gassing over the beauty of practicing for Sunday’s service, whilst contemplating a second cancellation of a cinema visit with my sister (sorry Unique Individual! love you) and then feeling guilty for even entertaining such thought; when 20:45 arrived and the anxious, telling voice of my beloved sister  declaring “we’ve got to go!” bellows from the main sanctuary as I say my goodbyes to my mum and Sis Jane. One massage, a kiss and kicking out my most beloved teens, we escape for some sisterly bonding. After a conversation later and a 10 minute bus wait, we board bus 313 and headed to cineworld cinema ~ a 3/5 minute journey for the most aid travellers.

On alighting the bus later at the Great Cambridge road bus stop, we embark on the brisk walk on the rain to the cinema. Up the stairs we ascended and then we took a left into the cinema foyer whilst discussing the interesting events of my sister’s day at work. Because I was undecided as to what film to watch, i eventually decided that I would scan my options, as you do. Well, there were only two films showing at the time that we arrived. One about the House on the End of the Street and Sparkle. OO, now that caught my attention!
Not only was I intrigued about Sparkle, but I was attentive especially since I knew that one of my biggest inspirations in music by the name of a certain Ms. Whitney Houston was going to be in it with Jordin Sparks – American Idol winner at least 6 years ago! So it was a win. My Sister and I were going to see Sparkle. Now we had to rush to get in as we were already 10 minutes into the adverts when we had arrived at the cinema.

provoked to dream...provoked to believe...

Now, we can get to why I’m provoked. Well this film pressed so many buttons in me on so many levels in a such a musical and Spiritual way. Especially with Whitney Houston and TD. Jakes being the producers of the film. Watching my inspiration on film and seeing how old she was and the sharp realisation that she is well and truly gone conjured up huge emotions in me. My emotions were scattered and I wore my heart on my sleeve tonight whilst I watched my passion unfold before my eyes. Music. Writing. Song writing. I recognised in the character that Jordin Sparks played, something that I saw in me. I recognised the passion. The ability. The gift. Flashbacks of similarities with dream girls and the whole blast from the past of old skool gospel with a colourful mix of mowtown and the 60’s/70’s with the tethering ending of the rock’n’roll era (which has never fully ended tbh). The way she hit high notes effortlessly, and performed to huge audiences provoked me because its what I felt I was born to do. To sing. Not necessarily for people but just that atmosphere just pulled on so many nerves that i felt had been deadened by disappointed dreams that I let lie. I was provoked as watching reminded me of what my Pastor said on Wednesday night during a study “dare to dream again…” But should I? I don’t even know what to dream again?! Most of my desires have changed over the years and probably matured. When I was 14, just being a popstar would have sufficed and everything associated with it but now, it doesn’t matter so much to me now, although sometimes I do dream. I want to be able to impact and influence people through music but I don’t really want the fame or the whole gimmicks, though I love the fashion and the glamour and everything. I just want to be able to be me without those demons who help make your money yet break you . Yes the ones they call Paparazzi.

I’m just so provoked! All I want to do is to do what Sparkle did and yet still have a beautiful relationship with a guy that supported her. And God I really do miss Whitney Houston. I feel cheated ’cause as a kid, I always dreamed of meeting her and doing duets with her. Well that’s not happening now…

Anyways I had to get this off my chest. So what’s the end of the matter? well there’s no end really except to seek and find what next and take each day as it comes and learn to dream again…keeping things simple and keeping the main thing the main thing makes a lot of difference because I’m too tired to allow confusion in my life anymore. Rant over.

Here’s some soul food in memory of one of music’s legends in the last 40 years…

keeping it real, peace out! Elected Lady xx

Out of the thorns is birthed a rose…

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questions, questions, questions

In today’s modern society, with secular humanism on the rise and the revival of “modernised” Spirituality- astrology,psychics, and ancient spiritual practices, what sets apart the Prophet (a true one that is…in case some false ones want to include themselves in this category) from the preening voices, whose only target to the masses is to get your money and stir a revolution of followers to a place they haven’t been yet, or if at best, possess such qualities to help humanity?

Could we make sense of the disappointing predictions that either are false, delayed or simply distorted or hard pills to swallow? How do they in any shape or form improve our lives and how can we know what’s real aside from scientific, factual-based evidence, that seems by the day, to present World dominance by so-called evidence, which at best appears to erode the fabric of an inner and deeper nature that has not yet been fully comprehended or established by man?

Why, oh why the many questions? And why the many different voices presenting answers? Why are there useless responses accompanied with trivial understanding to complex situations?

Let me Think…

For many of us, these ultimate and deep thinking questions have plagued our thoughts from time to time over the years and for me they most certainly decided to show up today. ‘Ere I was on the bus writing this in my journal as my floating thoughts began to form a cloud and precipitate in orderly fashion onto the pages. I considered and I pondered. And I pondered and Considered. In fact I was on my way to a tuition session today when I suddenly felt the attack and bombardment of my thoughts- the deep inner questions  surfaced and began to gather sound and crescendoed to echoing voices in the silhouette of my brain.

These questions that I began to ask again, I realised that I would blog about questions and I thought I’d start from the place where it stemmed from hence tonight’s title. I will not seek to attempt to answer not even half of those questions myself otherwise the torture and the most arduous process of communicating it clearly would defeat the purpose of why I write today. Furthermore, I’m probably not the most qualified to answer all the questions in the first place but the ones that I feel qualified to respond, that, I will tackle…

You see over the few short/small years I’ve been on this beautiful place surrounding me called Earth, I have found that often the search for answers was quite meaningless. See the most famous of the wisest people to ever live, Solomon himself declared “Meaningless, Meaningless…all is meaningless…” (vanity is the other word for those who are wondering) The searches have been meaningless for they often haven’t arrived at bringing resolutions to problems but rather resolved to creating a painstaking web of more questions! I  also found that the search for answers was really not in the questions themselves but rather in the nature of the questions and discovering the nature surrounding the pounding mysteries that envelop our minds…

…I’ve also discovered in my deciphering of the files paged on the tables of my brain, that the key is not in seeking the answers but in seeking the Person behind the questions and behind the answers. There is something about the nature of seeking that draws on the pursuit, hunger and desire to know more. A desire to make known the sense of life and the world we live in by seeing the world through an objective eye. This nature causes us to pursue wisdom at its highest form, yet from recorded history, it has often left us flat on our faces and full of error.

Therefore, in recognising this, it begs the question- what have we been seeking in the process of looking for answers? have we been seeking the wrong thing? Has our perception formulated a distorted view and so consequently framed distorted questions? Well, I’d like to propose to you that the answer is yes.

Allow my attempt to explain further…

Let”s say, for example some of the biggest answers to life’s toughest questions have not come from political leaders or life’s greatest influences ~ I mean, come on lets be real! This is not to say that influential people haven’t had great impact and not been able to give answers but this is simply to say that the human reasoning alone has not been able to beckon the truest answer to life’s biggest and hardest questions like when a 5 year olds asks me, “Where do we go when we die?” or “where is daddy? (when dad or mum has left the family home as a result of a breakdown in family relations)” we don’t even have the answers ourselves but only what we think we merely know and so-called “common sense” tells us – which by the way is not common anymore…(sorry had to speak in Obiter…) how do we interpret that life to a kid who’s process in life and mental reasoning is as childlike as they come? huh? therefore, its suffice to say that some of the biggest answers to life’s toughest questions have not necessarily come from the top.

We have often sought the answers in things; entertainment; politics; places and even fallible people who are inept at processing completely, life’s constant complexities.

You see, our world’s methods of seeking answers is to ask questions and doubt everything. But the real way to seek answers is to seek a PERSON. No. The Person. And once you arrive at the answer, to accept is is the key. Even all hypothesis need to be proven by experiment so how about put this to the test. But what person are we or who are we suppose to “seek” – The Prophet. The Person. The personality and the person-hood of the Nazarene from Galilee.

Oh my gosh! there she goes again! her barmy self with all the religious nonsense! well really and truly its not. I’m talking about a journey. a personal relationship and a personal conquest, an adventure to seeking this prophet, who speaks truth. The Prophet, who carried the DNA of the Omnipresent One. He’s one and the same person. The second of the God-head. Yes. Jesus.

The problem with this is that mere humanity cannot begin to comprehend this, in today’s day and age, this idea. What? seek a person? no thanks I’ll rather seek the way I know how…but it provokes more questions that are set to frustrate you when not met with clear answers. They cannot seem to comprehend the analogy at all. In fact most people who read the idea of seeking a person rather than seeking questions or seeking an answer, think: what a wacko! Psychosymatic freak, waste of time who have sworn allegiance to Lunacy.

I’m stumped for answers!

This brings me back to my earlier question – so in a world of great Spiritual Awakenings, how does a prophet and his nature differ to the tens of thousands of psychics and spiritual healers and leaders and fortune tellers, soothsayers etc? 

Well here’s my brief yet honest conclusion. I’ve found that the secret of the Prophet’s difference lies in whom he’s serving and who he represents. Its in recognising that his true form is one rejected in his own environment and being the rose birthed out of a root of thorns. It’s in seeing that his nature differs significantly from the others in the fact that his need for sanctification and his deep cry for holiness and intimacy…

…It’s in knowing that because he represents the Voice of One who is most pure in every way, he can deliver answers to a generation and the people that seek to know answers to life’s biggest and toughest questions. So what has that to do with us?

We are prophets to this entire generation. Interpreting life, and interpreting our ideas of God, Spirituality and humanism, whether we be true or false is an entirely different matter. But this key difference removes the act of self from using our so-called “gift” for purposeful gain with no guarantee that one would witness the fulness of what has been communicated but puts a weight and a responsibility to carry a gift with care knowing that we can and will be heavily persecuted. Not only so, but its in knowing that the intimacy we have with our maker transforms our image and transforms us into the unique beings we were called, created and designed to be. The Ones carrying the DNA of holiness to a world writhed in depravity. The difference is in knowing that this is the true and the real and it trumps the counterfeit every time as the others still fall short of the perfect ability to transform a life in its entirety for the good.

See, a moth will never be as beautiful as a butterfly, though they are similar and have the same transformation process, One breeds life and beauty, whilst the other is standard…and brings fear ~ more people are afraid of a moth than a butterfly! What am I saying? what does this mean? It means by seeking the One who is to be known by us whilst we are known by him releases the answers that this generation so desperately needs and that we all need because we seek the person and not the question. We seek the Person and not the answer. We find Answer, when we seek the Person. This revelation takes courage to apply, so I’ll leave you with this…

“…The answer is not in seeking the question but in seeking the Person. So Learn from the Butterfly…The secret is transformation….”

As usual a song to listen to whilst you ponder… (feel free to comment)

Peace out. Keeping it Real,

The Elected Lady xx

ps: all pictures from Google images ~must make acknowledgements known…

Do I got what it takes to be a mother?

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This is probably for me, an interesting title to this week’s post as many of you who know me would know that, I haven’t got any kids of my own so may not think I’m exactly qualified to answer or respond to this question. Though its self-evaluating, I suppose it conjures up all sorts of imaginations that may not be as accurate until I actually birth kids of my own – an affair that I’m sure to dread in terms of the pain….ooo me and pain are not friends and do not work well together at all!

But I’m the elected lady so I’m gonna keep it real and tell you the journey that caused me to come up with this question. So, if many of you remember from my last blog, I said I’ve been giving private tuition to two students. In case I didn’t mention it, let me talk about it a bit.

One pupil I have is a mentee of mine- who I’ve purposed to adopt as a sister because she needs a big sister and to protect her identity I’ll say her name is Nora. She’s a GCSE student and I help tutor her in areas she struggles with in Science and Maths (yes its not my strongest subject but hey I might as well give it a go and if her grades improve then Praise the Lord God). The usual systematic process we do is we pray before we start anything and then we laugh, joke and use objects for her to understand an area or a rule that she’s not confident with. Or I simply give her work to do and she does it. We’re 4th week in and I’m seeing a change in her as she was struggling with major identity issues and slowly but surely, she’s morphing into this wonderful teen that she actually is. Often, its quite nerve racking for me to teach her considering the fact that I’m conscious of the fact that I basically have to relearn subjects I swore I would avoid as an adult – Yes for those of you who think you’ve had a lucky escape, best believe you’ll find yourself revisiting those subject enemies that you have to conquer again but this time from a totally different angle!!

                            Image

Second student is a beautiful, gorgeous little 4 year old girl and to protect her identity for legal purposes I’ll call her Natalie. Gosh this girl is so intelligent! She speaks as a ten year old except limited by words and some speech because she’s 4! Moreover, she expresses her feelings and emotions so matter-of-factly that its incredible to see her with such a big personality. I stand in amazement at the beautiful creation stood before me that God used when connecting sperm and egg together to make her. Now with her, I’ve been tutoring her for 2 weeks now. This week was the second week. But how I even got this opportunity was even a miracle! it was by chance that her grandmother randomly asked me if I gave extra tuition. She had asked me after I spent time praying and ministering to her after a Wednesday early morning prayer at my church. So she asked me this question to which I replied, I do and then she hired me then and there to tutor her grandchild! Thank God that through nflame and sublime I’ve been CRB cleared so I showed that to natalie’s grandmother and met the mother later that afternoon to discuss what she wanted.

Then last week Monday, the little girl Natalie just fell in love with me and just played and was so excited about me teaching her that she wanted to show me the whole world as it appears through her eyes. So, at times it was hard to get her to settle down and I realised that teaching a little girl was going to be more of a challenge than I thought. Moreover, times when I had to discipline her to just sit and listen, I had to remember to respect the boundaries of the parent of the child so as to not put myself in any trouble. By the end of that lesson, we read a book and she sat on my lap cuddled to me, sucking on her little index finger- aww she has the cutest hands ever! Success!

So, paid I was, until the next week which was this week. And, on Monday, this time Natalie, wasn’t cute, little girl but cute, little, almost but wasn’t near a nightmare! She tried my patience but by the end of it I had more Love for her than I did when I first met her. And its so cute to hear her call me aunty, and say the three little, simple words that resonate so much power and meaning that it ricochets shivers down my spine “I LOVE YOU”. wow. let me pause here. I LOVE YOU. The three clichic words that are so overused in our society but hold no meaning. The three words that have been buried in the midst of suffering, caught in a web of hatred, lies and unfaithfulness because adults have misused these three words and perverted with Satan’s snare, the true purity of the words that people desire to hear yet hate to feel. Yes, these three simple words when heard from the lips of a babe, a child carry such healing, power, innocence and the ominous sense that this child would be affected by life’s darts that those words would take effort to really mean such things to them. These three words that need purifying everyday by God who IS LOVE to even have the deepest effect on a single human being. These three words, that when they were uttered out of the lips of this 4 year old girl shot like a spear into my heart melted every guard and annoyance I had towards her playing up determined what my actions were next. Like auto pilot, she hugged me and I picked her up and hugged her and whispered the words back, “I LOVE YOU” and guess what? I meant every word of it with every fibre of my being.

This nicely brings me to why my title to today’s blog?

Well, because I’ve been working with young people for a while, especially with the ones who’ve been coming in off the street, and now in a more close proximity setting of tutoring and mentoring, it made me think about what it means to be a parent. What are the foundations? how do you parent a child who is already being parented where you see the flaws and you want to correct knowing that that would be done to you once you have children – its almost inevitable. How do you avoid the pitfalls? How does one support a child? what does it take to be a mother? How do you discipline them? How do I do it without making a complete idiot of myself?

Then I was reminded of how God does the job of both parents to literally everybody. I realise that he demonstrates parenthood in the most unconventional way to what we’ve probably been taught parenting is about and he does that via experience. And though I’m not a parent, I am in many ways. In Isaiah 54  it says (and sorry if I’m sounding religious~ not intended to be so but its for the basis of making an emphasis on a point) “More are the children of the desolate wife than she who has given birth…” (paraphrased) I realise that the position I’ve been entrusted with to these young people and little children, is not one to be taken lightly but a privilege serving them with a faithful, loving and consistent heart. And that first stems from the root of Love and Passion for these kids. I watched, Natalie’s mother loving on her daughter and the new baby in her arms and saw that what she had was no different from what I had except probably deeper because she gave birth to them and she also lives and raises them on a daily basis. Realising this responsibility, made me feel somewhat anxious and gave me this sense of foreboding as I wondered whether I was really cut out for this and whether I was really doing a good job. Especially when it appears that there’s only little progress and not major progress. I even wondered that with the way i get on with these guys and the way sometimes I slip up, will it be more painful with my own? How would I be as a mother?

Then I remembered the words of Deborah, a wonderful Judge. who declared “I saw the desolation of my people….Until I arose a Mother in Israel”. This answered the question for me. Someone has to do the job so it might as well be me. I don’t have to qualify for the job by giving birth. I’ve been qualified simply because I am willing and I’m a woman- a man with a womb- who can carry the promises of life for these ones who struggle to navigate through life. I have had enough experience to help the little one’s pull through and I am willing to learn. But above all, I have Love. I have the Love that has been loved to me that I can love others. The LOVE that is pure that is overwhelming my soul that only has one outlet and that is to share that love. And this love is not my own but the one He Gave me. The Love I didn’t have for myself before has loved me to health and is still loving me to glory, and will love these Kids to strength.

And as usual, things like this always conjures up songs and music that connect me to my understanding and it clearly reminds me of my painting of a baby in midair that I did in GCSE Art some years ago. The first song that came to mind was Jason Upton’s When it Thunders which describes a relationship between a Father and his Child through the storm and this song has had imminent impact on my life. I’ve at times border-lined obsessed over this song and left it on repeat for 7 days. yes. call me crazy but I love it!

And also the other song by him When you were a child:

What’s inspiring you? please share. Peace out. Loving you, Loving JC!

Keeping it real, Elected Lady xx

a glimpse of me: What’s keeping me moving on my ipod/spotify/youtube at the moment?

Aside · · 3 Comments ·

Okay. So it looks like I’m beginning to get a hang of this blog-thing or whatever. I’m just gonna consider it my diary…post when and if I feel like it so I apologise in advance for any long breaks in between blogs…I find I tend to write usually when I’m under the influence of Inspiration to write!

Just a quick note and reality check first: If you’re looking for someone who’s the witty funny type?  Then you’re probably reading the wrong blog and you’d want my sister (first class at banter and wit! my goodness…she’d out do me anyday…oh and Lewis if you’re reading this I’d say you match her…just. lol). Though, I do like a good laugh and banter (regular laughter is good for the soul- you need it! it doeth good like medicine! a very agreeable alternative to alcohol #justsaying…), I’m not your usual most humorous of people. Sorry to disappoint! woops! shock shock horror! Wasn’t I suppose to say that? Oh well. If we’re going on this journey together, I gotta be truthful from the onset right? oh what? GASP! STRIKE ME NOW! 🙂

Anyways, I’ve often carried a reputation as the one who was always “serious” and “intense” but I really relaxed over the years…I’m just a very passionate person- passionate about God, Passionate about people and passionate about life. And hey, guess what? I really couldn’t care less to be honest about what most people would think anyway. I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out how to please people. You just end up miserable anyhow…

Needless to say, others somehow would consider me the “radical” type…whoops, I might get myself into trouble for being “radical” lol. Oh well. couldn’t care less about that either. I often tend to experience the extremes when it comes to things, life and general challenges that are thrown at me- depending on what they are and I don’t always find the middle ground (and no! don’t worry I’m not schizophrenic if such a thought crossed your mind…! #themindisapowerfulthing)

So whilst I leave you to think, ponder, discover, scatch-your-heads-trying-to-figure-out-who-the-heck-is-this-girl and what I’m about, I thought I’d share about a couple of tracks that have literally been on replay on my ipod, itunes, spotify and youtube accounts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQmrAzSehPM

This first one above is a track by Jon Thurlow called Divine Love (Jaye Thomas did his version and i fell in love with the song even further ~ he just gospelled it up lol). Now, I absolutely looove Jon Thurlow! Shame, no I mean, It’s a BLESSING that he’s married I think! (She says nursing her wounds of a broken heart and entreating God’s mercy wilst seeking to do her penance…lol) I just love this guy!!! He soooo gets it musically. He’s such an amazing musician.

Oh and there’s another one! a guy called Cory Asbury! Now He’s amaaaahzhing! I so love him too. I know,  know! Shouldn’t be allowed to drool….and for the “religious” folk out there, please forgive my insolene and my moment of carnality….

But, seriously?! These guys are incredible musicians and their teams are great. In case you don’t know who I’m referring to, these guys lead worship full-time at Internation House of Prayer aka IHOP, although I understand that Cory’s has left after being apart of that ministry for 8 years..?? Anyways, retracting back to my point, tese songwriters and prophetic minstrels are totally used by God to capture sounds from heaven, that for some, may sond like religious jargon and mumbo-jumbo, but for me? They are gems- Jewels and Kisses from the lips of heaven to a dying earth , carrying with it healing and a tribal, heavy and unique alternative sound (again for some, you may consider that ,most songs just resound sameness so what’s the difference with their music.)

However, the intricate simplicity of the lyrics carries its organic richness as its full of personality in the songs it creates. Some of the songs have come out very poetic for example again, Jon Thurlow’s “Storm all around”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73XNhWybP_k (please check it out! I recommend it, especially for those who Soak. It’s only 7mins 13 secs…not long at all! It’ll pull you into pure worship…if you want to that is…) which carries you along their journey whilst activationg your imagination and Senses; as one listens to the echo and power of not only the classic playing of the piano, but the resounding lyrics and the amazingly fresh modern drummer who beats the drums with a heart beat of emotion; unknowingly capturing the sound of the music whilst carrying the song to the next level.

Or how about the “fusion” song on the ‘One Thing’ album, my beloved? You see, that mix of metal-rock/hip-hop flare blends well with amazing voices whilst impacting the soul – again with the power of words.

The words of these songs for me don’t just ring a “nice” song but, they resonate deep truths that reverberate through my being that can only encapture the LOVE SOUNDS of a new generation who are Fierce, Furious and Passionate. Being Passionate about a love that is abstractly difficult to articulate or describe becomes the bedrock for songwriting, echoing and describing this LOVE in song…its the song that captures that emotion. It is these truths that are written in and on te pages of, which many consider sadly to be a dead and ancient book with no relevance today, of which when somehow brought to life has a lasting effect on the subconsious brain,~ as the impact of the revelation from those words grow strangly dim yet overwhem and ridiculously deep there’s a chance to get the new sounds out!!! I’m excited for ow it sounds and what it would be like…

Well folks, that’s what I perceived anyways when I was listening to these songs before I considered the technicalities of te songs and the track sequence i.e. the structure; layers; flow; combination; simplicity; instrumentation…and you know the rest…

On the Other hand, you might perceive these songs totally different in comparison. Perhaps you might even consider me to be totally bonkers, nuts, barmy and stark raving mad that I would feel and read into these songs in this way when “its just a song” that happens to be pretty good. Well, whichever way we look at it we have music that impacts us in different ways.

But for those of you wo are musicians wit a passion, you get and understand wat it feels like to romance a song and experience te ravishing bliss  or raging waters of music as though it was one Big Love Affair…

Anyhow, I’m digressing and most probably because I’m tired and its late and I really should have left this til later but had to write under the inspiration whilst it was there… yeeah (in bugs bunny style) I’ll pay for it later…

And so concludes my thoughts on the current music on my playlist at this precise moment in time! Thank God for youtube,itunes and SpOtIfY!!!!! You are awesome- Acknowledgments are good…

Final Words…

Yes and Finally, please respond and let me know what you’re thinking  as I’d be really interested  as to see your trail and journey of songs that connect with you! Take Care, Keeping it Real- Loving you; Loving JC, I AM THE ELECTED LADY! PEACE XX