Tag: keeping it real

I AM ENOUGH

 

It’s about time I blogged again. Pure prose. No pictures. Just talk.

I have been fighting the urge to write for over a year now. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to properly document my ideas and thoughts. I thought whatever I write it won’t be enough.

There is always a critic waiting to criticise you and your performance without prior knowledge of your growth and process or of the way you think. There will always be the one person who will encourage you too but you freeze under the weight of self-unbelief. There is an inner mockery of voices tormenting your mind and the external pen poisoned messages eat through the pores of an aching soul. There is always the unspoken silent screams and the constructive voices that help you navigate your growth. And, the perpetual sounds of all these voices are directing your growth that the inner voice keeps silent or speaks that you can’t even hear.

Well, today, I am tired. I am tired of these thoughts and voices. I am tired of feeling like I’m not enough even though the truth is I AM. I am ENOUGH. I’m tired of feeling like I have to do something to receive love. Or feeling that I’m only loved because I’m down or because I’ve done something good for someone so now they feel they ought to Love me yet view me as a burden overtime. Or loved out of obligation because “God says we should Love”.  

Yet when they love, they withdraw it over time. I hate the withdrawal. Especially of love. Excuses like “I’m busy” or “sorry I just can’t” (Even though I’m most understanding of the circumstances). When the heart of another begins to withdraw and invest elsewhere leaving you wanting, wanting, wanting…

The Longing of Love. The validation of Love. The needing of Love. Now I start to look needy. Not a good look ey? Not enough. “Oh no you’re not a burden!” They say. Hmmm. Well we’ll see. I feel like a burden. I’m having to change my speech. Change me to be received and loved as enough. You withhold the secrets of your heart that you once shared regularly with me. We shift. We change. You withdraw. Withdraw. Withdraw. You lie “I’m just busy!” You wait for me to ask, ask, ask. And in my asking, though I receive, it’s done out of a sense of obligation. I wear your ear out. Yes, I talk too much. That’s me. Yes I chat nonsense. That’s me. I’m border-lining heresy. Yet I walk in the Truth. That’s me. My thoughts have gone crazy wild. That’s me.

That’s Wilderness me. That’s not inner me. I am Love. I am Light. I am Goodness. In the right environment I thrive but this is part of building ‘me’. The wilderness me is my building site me. It’s my quarry. It’s the war. It’s the dessert. If you can’t hack it out til the end, fall by the way side with the doubters and shakers. Leave the wilderness. I am not alone. Never Alone. Abba is with me. Always has been and always will be.

When He sees me, I am enough to him. I’ve always been enough. And from being enough, to making me more enough. Turning my enough to more than enough. Because He loves me as I am and bringing out who I am. I AM ENOUGH. There are others like me. I’m not alone in my wilderness or journey. They too, are enough. Enough. Enough. I accept. Please accept. We are ENOUGH.

As ever Keeping it Real, Peace! 

 

The Elected Lady xx

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a glimpse of me: What’s keeping me moving on my ipod/spotify/youtube at the moment?

Okay. So it looks like I’m beginning to get a hang of this blog-thing or whatever. I’m just gonna consider it my diary…post when and if I feel like it so I apologise in advance for any long breaks in between blogs…I find I tend to write usually when I’m under the influence of Inspiration to write!

Just a quick note and reality check first: If you’re looking for someone who’s the witty funny type?  Then you’re probably reading the wrong blog and you’d want my sister (first class at banter and wit! my goodness…she’d out do me anyday…oh and Lewis if you’re reading this I’d say you match her…just. lol). Though, I do like a good laugh and banter (regular laughter is good for the soul- you need it! it doeth good like medicine! a very agreeable alternative to alcohol #justsaying…), I’m not your usual most humorous of people. Sorry to disappoint! woops! shock shock horror! Wasn’t I suppose to say that? Oh well. If we’re going on this journey together, I gotta be truthful from the onset right? oh what? GASP! STRIKE ME NOW! 🙂

Anyways, I’ve often carried a reputation as the one who was always “serious” and “intense” but I really relaxed over the years…I’m just a very passionate person- passionate about God, Passionate about people and passionate about life. And hey, guess what? I really couldn’t care less to be honest about what most people would think anyway. I’ve spent most of my life trying to figure out how to please people. You just end up miserable anyhow…

Needless to say, others somehow would consider me the “radical” type…whoops, I might get myself into trouble for being “radical” lol. Oh well. couldn’t care less about that either. I often tend to experience the extremes when it comes to things, life and general challenges that are thrown at me- depending on what they are and I don’t always find the middle ground (and no! don’t worry I’m not schizophrenic if such a thought crossed your mind…! #themindisapowerfulthing)

So whilst I leave you to think, ponder, discover, scatch-your-heads-trying-to-figure-out-who-the-heck-is-this-girl and what I’m about, I thought I’d share about a couple of tracks that have literally been on replay on my ipod, itunes, spotify and youtube accounts!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQmrAzSehPM

This first one above is a track by Jon Thurlow called Divine Love (Jaye Thomas did his version and i fell in love with the song even further ~ he just gospelled it up lol). Now, I absolutely looove Jon Thurlow! Shame, no I mean, It’s a BLESSING that he’s married I think! (She says nursing her wounds of a broken heart and entreating God’s mercy wilst seeking to do her penance…lol) I just love this guy!!! He soooo gets it musically. He’s such an amazing musician.

Oh and there’s another one! a guy called Cory Asbury! Now He’s amaaaahzhing! I so love him too. I know,  know! Shouldn’t be allowed to drool….and for the “religious” folk out there, please forgive my insolene and my moment of carnality….

But, seriously?! These guys are incredible musicians and their teams are great. In case you don’t know who I’m referring to, these guys lead worship full-time at Internation House of Prayer aka IHOP, although I understand that Cory’s has left after being apart of that ministry for 8 years..?? Anyways, retracting back to my point, tese songwriters and prophetic minstrels are totally used by God to capture sounds from heaven, that for some, may sond like religious jargon and mumbo-jumbo, but for me? They are gems- Jewels and Kisses from the lips of heaven to a dying earth , carrying with it healing and a tribal, heavy and unique alternative sound (again for some, you may consider that ,most songs just resound sameness so what’s the difference with their music.)

However, the intricate simplicity of the lyrics carries its organic richness as its full of personality in the songs it creates. Some of the songs have come out very poetic for example again, Jon Thurlow’s “Storm all around”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73XNhWybP_k (please check it out! I recommend it, especially for those who Soak. It’s only 7mins 13 secs…not long at all! It’ll pull you into pure worship…if you want to that is…) which carries you along their journey whilst activationg your imagination and Senses; as one listens to the echo and power of not only the classic playing of the piano, but the resounding lyrics and the amazingly fresh modern drummer who beats the drums with a heart beat of emotion; unknowingly capturing the sound of the music whilst carrying the song to the next level.

Or how about the “fusion” song on the ‘One Thing’ album, my beloved? You see, that mix of metal-rock/hip-hop flare blends well with amazing voices whilst impacting the soul – again with the power of words.

The words of these songs for me don’t just ring a “nice” song but, they resonate deep truths that reverberate through my being that can only encapture the LOVE SOUNDS of a new generation who are Fierce, Furious and Passionate. Being Passionate about a love that is abstractly difficult to articulate or describe becomes the bedrock for songwriting, echoing and describing this LOVE in song…its the song that captures that emotion. It is these truths that are written in and on te pages of, which many consider sadly to be a dead and ancient book with no relevance today, of which when somehow brought to life has a lasting effect on the subconsious brain,~ as the impact of the revelation from those words grow strangly dim yet overwhem and ridiculously deep there’s a chance to get the new sounds out!!! I’m excited for ow it sounds and what it would be like…

Well folks, that’s what I perceived anyways when I was listening to these songs before I considered the technicalities of te songs and the track sequence i.e. the structure; layers; flow; combination; simplicity; instrumentation…and you know the rest…

On the Other hand, you might perceive these songs totally different in comparison. Perhaps you might even consider me to be totally bonkers, nuts, barmy and stark raving mad that I would feel and read into these songs in this way when “its just a song” that happens to be pretty good. Well, whichever way we look at it we have music that impacts us in different ways.

But for those of you wo are musicians wit a passion, you get and understand wat it feels like to romance a song and experience te ravishing bliss  or raging waters of music as though it was one Big Love Affair…

Anyhow, I’m digressing and most probably because I’m tired and its late and I really should have left this til later but had to write under the inspiration whilst it was there… yeeah (in bugs bunny style) I’ll pay for it later…

And so concludes my thoughts on the current music on my playlist at this precise moment in time! Thank God for youtube,itunes and SpOtIfY!!!!! You are awesome- Acknowledgments are good…

Final Words…

Yes and Finally, please respond and let me know what you’re thinking  as I’d be really interested  as to see your trail and journey of songs that connect with you! Take Care, Keeping it Real- Loving you; Loving JC, I AM THE ELECTED LADY! PEACE XX